Friday, February 24, 2017

Let's Hex Trump!

Witches around the world will be uniting tonight to cast a spell on Donald Trump.

The ritual is to be done at the stroke of midnight on waning crescent moon ritual days, which are February 24th (midnight, Friday evening), March 26th, April 24th, May 23rd, June 21st (especially important as it is the summer solstice) etc. until Trump leaves office.


Unflattering photo of Trump (aka any picture of Trump)
Tower tarot card
Tiny stub of an orange candle (think one of Trump's fingers).
Pin or small nail White candle, representing the element of Fire
Small bowl of water, representing elemental Water
Small bowl of salt, representing elemental Earth
Feather, representing the element of Air
Matches or lighter
Ashtray or dish of sand

Next, you carve the name "Donald J. Trump" into the orange candle (or carrot) with the pin, arrange the other items in a pleasing circle, and lean the tarot card on something so it is standing up vertically. Then, say a prayer for protection to your preferred deity (the document suggests the 23rd Psalm because it has connections to voodoo traditions). After that, it is time to cast the spell.


(Light white candle)
Hear me, oh spirits Of Water, Earth, Fire, and Air
Heavenly hosts Demons of the infernal realms
And spirits of the ancestors
(Light inscribed orange candle stub)
I call upon you To bind Donald J. Trump
So that he may fail utterly
That he may do no harm To any human soul
Nor any tree Animal Rock Stream or Sea
Bind him so that he shall not break our polity
Usurp our liberty
Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair
And bind, too, All those who enable his wickedness
And those whose mouths speak his poisonous lies
I beseech thee, spirits, bind all of them
As with chains of iron
Bind their malicious tongues
Strike down their towers of vanity
(Invert Tower tarot card)
I beseech thee in my name
(Say your full name)
In the name of all who walk Crawl, swim, or fly
Of all the trees, the forests, Streams, deserts,
Rivers and seas
In the name of Justice And Liberty
And Love And Equality And Peace
Bind them in chains
Bind their tongues
Bind their works
Bind their wickedness

At this point, you are to light the picture of Donald Trump on fire and let it burn until it turns to ash as you passionately exclaim "so mote it be!" three times. If you do not like that phrase, you can exchange it for one of Trump's signature catch phrases, such as "You're fired!" Then you snuff out the white candle and end the ritual.

After performing the ritual, the document says it is important to have a good laugh at Trump's expense (think about how much he would hate being laughed at) and have a bite to eat (but not that carrot, though) because all that spell-casting is hard work. Then you are to discard the orange candle by burying it, discarding it at a crossroads, or in running water.

For more information and advanced rituals click HERE.